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If you're anything like me, then the next best thing to actually eating food is watching someone else deal with food and food-related objects. Food Network is one of the last channels I watch on an actual TV over actual cable television, and my favorite show has always been Good Eats. The show has a devoted Tivo folder, I loved his Feasting on Asphalt and Feasting on Waves and all that good stuff he's been on.

AND NOW HE'S AVAILABLE IN PODCAST FORM!

Wonders of wonders, miracles of miracles~

Sorry, I just really like Alton Brown. He taught me a lot about cooking, not that I actually apply any of it to my boxed lasagna, but I still felt good learning about it.

Go ahead and preheat your oven to 350F, then turn that thing off because you're going to listen to The Alton Browncast.   

TV Host and Foodist Alton Brown reviews recent food news, chats with celebrities about their culinary passions, takes calls from listeners, and basically does whatever he flippin’ wants for 45 minutes.

Relevant Links:
Main Podcast Site, via Nerdist! This site also serves as an archive.
RSS Feed!
Get the podcast via iTunes!
Alton's Twitter!   He replies to tweets by writing out a response on a Post-It and taking a picture of it! Hee!

The Alton Browncast provides host Alton Brown (GO FIGURE, RIGHT?) a lovely little venue to talk about what really interests him in the food world. He will discuss recent food-related news, interview fellow creative chefs and food crafters, and answer cooking questions from his listening audience. It's a nicely balanced little podcast, shifting easily between topics as Alton delves into his knowledge and passion for all things food. If you like his personality on any of the plethora of shows he's been on you will find more of the same in this podcast.

I gotta tell you right now, buttermilk and Cap'n Crunch cereal? Those things don't go together.

Content Rating: Clean, and I really can't imagine this podcast ever being explicit.

Average Episode Length: Set your timer for just a smidgin over an hour. You'll want the toothpick to be clean, with only a few moist crumbs sticking to it when you test for doneness.


Release Schedule:  Once a week, with the release date most likely to be a Friday.


Unintentionally Good Part:  Listening to Bobby Flay's story about making "queso" at his wife's behest. Cute story.

Unintentionally Bad Part: Bad part, bad part, is there a bad part? Sorry, I'm an Alton Brown fan, so he gets a clean pass.  #@#$%!$ SLURPING DURING AN ICE CREAM TASTING SERIOUSLY THAT IS THE WORST NOISE IN MY EARS.   Aaaaaaargh okay, okay, I found a bad part! I give!

Auwgh! Hate that noise.

Unrelated rating: Two of those little yeast puppets from Good Eats out of three.

All right, readers, I'm going to say a phrase, and it is going to let you know whether or not this podcast is for you. It's going to challenge some world-views, shake up some dialogues, that sort of thing, so be ready.

Are you appropriately clenched? Okay, here it is:

"Handcrafted food meta-discussion"

Were you struck blind? Wait, stupid question. But did that turn your lip up in a sneer or strike your fancy? I'm sure some of you have already moved on to watching cat videos, so I'll address those that remain. If you want to know more, then you'll want to check out The Food Craftsmen podcast.

Relevant Links:
Main Site!
Get the podcast here!
Twitter!

Remember: food is life, and life is great.

Discussions about the fat content of heritage pig breeds!

Learning the difference between Latin American and European styles of gourmet chocolates!

Did you know there is a big, annual competition in Ohio for sustainable food producers? I didn't have the slightest idea until I started listening to The Food Craftsman podcast.

At first, I was disappointed. I like to cook, and I was expecting a podcast that might offer me some cooking tips on how to improve my prosciutto-wrapped Hot Pockets. Instead I found a show featuring interviews with food producers that produce good foods in new and ethical ways. So I kept listening, and discovered that it is pretty cool to hear not only how people cook, but why they do it the way they do, and how they go about building and maintaining a successful business.

Host Ryan K. Parker guides the interviews expertly, and his earnest interest in each topic shows through in the discussion. Anything from store design to favorite recipes is up for discussion, and the conversations are natural and flowing.

Content Rating: Clean, although it would be really funny to hear an explicit version of this. #$!@$ SMALL BATCH CHEESE!

Ooh, wait! There is a single explicit episode! Dreams are coming true!

Average Episode Length: Approximately 25 minutes.

Drinking Game: Find yourself a locally brewed beer or two, then share it with friends. Make pretentious statements about the hops after each sip while listening to this podcast.

Release Schedule: Weekly, with no apparent set day of release.

Music: A very nice, smooth song for opening/ending. I like it a lot.

Unintentionally Good Part: The Food Craftsmen podcast is a great venue to hear about foods you didn't know about! With this whole Internet thing, you can find their site and order delicious foods to expaaaaaaaand your pallet.

What kind of wine pairs well with Lean Pockets?

Unintentionally Bad Part: It makes me really hungry to listen to this podcast.

Unrelated rating: Three Instagram photos of food out of three.

This is The Sporkful.  It's not for foodies, it's for eaters!

Do you know the correct position for cheese on a cheeseburger?  The details of buffet etiquette?  The hazards and benefits of being a vegetarian at a traditional Thanksgiving?  Have you ever heard the phrase "event eating" before? 

First of all, you put the cheese on the bottom bun, and condiments on top of the burger.  Let's not get silly about things around here.


Relevant Links:
The Sporkful main site!
Get the podcast for any device!  You can also watch videos here.
Store!
Twitter!


Content Rating:  Clean, so long as the idea of detailed food discussions doesn't overheat you.

I need time to drink before the turkey is ready!

Average Episode Length:  Bake for approximately 30 minutes, or until golden brown.

See this is just complete anathema to what I believe in about stuffing.

Drinking Game:  Go to the liquor store and find a "genre" of alcohol you enjoy (beer, wine, whatever).  Close your eyes and pick one at random.  Take it home and plan a meal around aforementioned purchase and enjoy!

Host Dan Pashman is passionate about food.  Like, stand-too-close-to-you-at-a-party-and-corner-you-in-a-45-minute-discussion-of-chickpeas passionate.  The man loves food, is knowledgeable about food, and likes to talk to other people about all kinds of food.  Each episode offers interviews on the subjects that surround, involve, and partake of food.  Cooking tips, cultural discussions, arguments on how to "properly" make dishes, it's all there!  The conversations are light and friendly, there to open your mind to new food horizons and make you really hungry at the same time.

Release Schedule:  Every other week. 

We're about to challenge your assumptions about consumption and drop a sporkful of knowledge on you because we're obsessively-compulsive about eating more awesomely and if history has taught us anything its that the hosts of food shows need a lot of catchphrases.

Unintentionally Good Part:  They take phone calls!  The number is 908-9SPORK9.  Usually audience-contributions are iffy on quality at best, but this is a cool way to bring up interesting and unique food-related topics.  Lots of shop-talk on how to get good browning of grilled cheeses and things like that.   

Unintentionally Bad Part:  You cannot listen to too many episodes in a row, because you are forced to realize how incredible inane it is to discuss the minutiae of food.  I was almost driven insane listening to two grown-ass adults discussion "muffin ledges".  DID I JUST HEAR SOMEONE TALK ABOUT THE "TACTILE PLEASURE OF THE MUFFIN CUP"?  Yeesh.  

Unrelated rating: It will take you at least two packets of ketchup to dip this podcast into for total enjoyment.

SCENARIO:  You find yourself in the Perfect Kitchen with every conceivable tool, recipe, and ingredient that you would ever need or want.  There is a magic pantry filled with every spice the natural world has to offer, lots of those weird molecular gastronomy devices, a collection of pans that would make Julia Child weep, and even those awesome little lychee candies from the Asian market by my house. With enough time and effort you could make ANYTHING YOU WANT with the added guarantee that it will turn out perfectly.

What do you do?

That's right!  You order take-out. WAY too much effort, amirite?

I love to cook, but I'm one of the first to admit that sometimes you just want someone else to cook the damn meal. Maybe you don't even want to get your own dishes dirty!

So you go out to eat. But then THAT takes effort!  Where do you go? How do you know it will be good?  What should you wear?  Who will shovel the food into your gaping maw?





It may be too late for some lost souls, but the LA Foodie podcast is here to light the path to deliciousness* **.

*Granted your path takes you through the state of California.
** Huh, deliciousness is a word recognized by Firefox?  I learned something new today.


Relevant Links:
Welcome page for those new to LA Foodie!
LA Foodie Main Site!
LA Foodie Podcast!
Store with Cute T-Shirts!
Twitter!
aaaaand their Pinterest board (??? that is the right term, yes?) because all the kids have them these days. 

Hosts Drew Hubbard, Ben Waters a hella (hecka? I'm trying to adopt the lingo for this review) lot of other contributors work their artisan baked buns off to bring you the whole of the LA Foodie online content, podcast included. It is their mission to endlessly taunt you with descriptions of food-type items until you are forced to go out and try them all.

We're looking for the best food in LA and usually finding it.

The tone of LA Foodie is casual with lots of humor, but they do remember to offer up plenty of informative reviews about what they've been eating.  I am not familiar with food reviews, so I don't know if there is any particular expected format to compare LA Foodies' reviews to, but here's what they will deliver:

1. They will tell you about a food.  If the food is not a national brand that can be found at any grocery store, they will give you the location where the food can be procured.  The place where the food will be procured will also be described so you can learn about their decor, seating, how they present their food experience and such.
2. Said food will be described.  If the serving method is interesting they will describe that along with texture, flavor, and enjoyment of the food in question.
3. Hosts will then go on to talk about the food for a while.  At the end of their discussion you will be able to tell whether or not the food is worth attempting to procure for yourself.

Trust me on this, all right?  It is interesting and you will be drooling by the end of each episode. 

Content Rating:  Explicit and tagged as so in iTunes.  Be forewarned that the humor often goes blue.  Nothing that has scorched my ears yet, just be aware that you might want to slap headphones on if you listen at work. 

"This was in my mouth, it's going in yours."

Average Episode Length:  The smallest "mini-episode" clock in at about 4 minutes, while their longest recording stands at one hour and ten minutes (with a few seconds tacked on).  Most of their episodes fall around 45-ish minutes.  Accurate, am I not?

"Just want to say I referred to my forty ounce as a palate cleanser, that's probably the only time in history that's happened."

Drinking Game:  Allow me to make my own contribution by showing you this article on the best bars in LA with drinking games!  For the "at-home" version, I suggest that you seek out some sort of local beer/wine/soda/caramel sauce to enjoy as you listen to the podcast.  Review whatever you are drinking, aloud, to your pets.

Release Schedule:  Twice a month!

LA Foodie even has segments!  Here are a few of my favorites:


Music:  It's good!  I can't think of the genre of music they use to break up their segments, but it is the kind that makes you hum "buh-duh-duh-daaaaaaa-la! La! La! La-dee-duh-daaaaaaah-aah!"

Unintentionally Good Part:  An entire podcast about food in which the hosts and guests will consume food for review during the podcast and there are NO EATING SOUNDS.  A+++++, will listen again.  I have been forced to turn off and unsubscribe from a podcast before due to the heinous act of purposefully chewing into a mic.   I find that incredibly disrespectful to the listening audience, so I am please to announce that LA Foodie hosts handle themselves well.  Manners, yo, they matter.

[Addendum:  Yes, I am completely insane about the sound of people chewing.  CLOSE.  YOUR.  MOUTH.  YOU.  SLATTERN.  Ugh, disgusting!  Okay, I'm over it for the moment.]

Unintentionally Bad Part:  Unless you live near LA and the surrounding area where LA Foodie reviews eateries, you are going to get hungry with no outlet to feed yourself with the delicious foods they are describing.  The part of the nation I live in is desperately lacking in adorable food trucks. 

Care to try a free sample?:  Discover LA Foodie as I did, through this delightful mini-episode.  It is a very good representative of the podcast as a whole. 

Unrelated rating:  1200% of your daily sodium intake.