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[Huddle up, dear Reader. Get close.

Closer. Uncomfortably close. I want to be so far inside your personal space bubble I can tell what you had for lunch. Butterfly-kisses close.

Closer. I want to tell you a secret.

Closer.

Ok, that's close enough. Here's my secret:

I'm afraid to review Fear the Boot.

Don't laugh! It is one of, if not the very first, podcast I ever truly enjoyed to the point of downloading the entire archives. Not only that, but is has become some manner of leviathan among gaming podcasts. It's been running since 2006! Over 200 episodes! I don't have the attention span to even attempt to begin to attempt to describe all the myriad topics, host changes, events, charities, games, discussions, arguments, food and beer reviews or anything else they've ever brought up!

THIS PODCAST. IT'S FULL OF STARS.  OR NERDS. EITHER WAY, THERE'S STILL A LOT OF GAS INVOLVED (see episode 104, 57:29).

RELEVANT LINKS:
Main site is here!
Wikipedia page yonder!
Forums can be found thither!
RSS Feed!
Fear the Con! No, seriously, they have their own gaming convention. Did you think I was spouting hyperbole when I said this podcast was epic?


But no longer can I push away my duties as a podcast reviewer. I must review Fear the Boot or I shall surely perish. I'm like a podcast reviewing shark.

But I can't.

But I must! So in honor of the spirit of enhancing the RPG experience and bringing a higher level of understanding to the hobby so loved and thoroughly discussed by the Fear the Boot crew...

I've made some random encounter tables. Just follow along and soon you'll have created your very own, personalized Fear the Boot experience!]

CHOOSE YOUR HOST: There are 7 current hosts. Select a d8 and roll three times to determine who will be the main contributors to that episode's conversation (re-roll on an 8).

1 - Dan Repperger
2 - Chad Wattler
3 -Chris Hussey
4 - Pat Roper
5 - Wayne Cole
6 - John Grana
7 - Johann

All right! Now that we've got players on the field, so to speak, let's form the rest of the episode. Now, I understand that not everyone has a set of dice at home outside of the d6 that come with Monopoly, so let's figure out the rest of this with a diceless system, shall we?

THE EPISODE'S TOPICS: For this one head out to the closest grocery store to your house. Once at the grocery store, pretend that you are a ninja being hunted down by wary guards. When someone notices you lurking stealthily through an aisle, mark what section of the store you were in. Take the first 5 times someone notices you (or less, depending on if you get kicked out by security) and match them to the possible topics listed below:

Fresh Produce: Gamer health and etiquette.
Next to the Toothpaste: Danecture.
Aisle 7 - 12: Talking about Battle Tech.
Ethnic Food: Convention based. Can include podcasting about Fear the Con, recording from a convention, a recorded panel, or a review of a convention attended.
Pasta/Dried Beans: Actual, solid gaming advice.
Frozen Foods: If you're near the microwave meals, then it's a Bonus Episode. If you're closer to the Ice Cream/Novelties, then there will be a Gaming Story.
Spices/Baking Goods/Salad Dressings: Discussing how to properly build a character in regards to a game's mechanics.
Next to the Rotisserie Chickens: Discussing how to properly build a character in regards to role playing.
Beer/Wine: Mocking LARPers.

PICK A CONTENT RATING: Take a Ritz(r) cracker. Flip it.
Salted side up: Clean.
Salted side down: Mild swearing, with possible use of some pejoratives. Bonus episodes are particularly vulnerable to the hosts catching a case of the potty mouth.

DRINKING GAME: Not the drinking game per se, but here's an interesting blog article from one of the hosts. For a game that actually involves alcohol try this: drive around town until you find a liquor store that has at least one letter in its neon sign blown out, ala the infamous "BJ'S LIQUO STORE." Buy some manner of alcohol there, Schlafly preferable, and drink it during the podcast.

RELEASE SCHEDULE: One a week, mid-weekish.

UNINTENTIONALLY GOOD PART: Go to your local friendly gaming store, and spend an afternoon with your friends around the gaming table. That is how the banter will make you feel during this podcast. The hosts are welcoming and proud of the community that has grown from the podcast, and it shows through their attitudes on-mic.

UNINTENTIONALLY BAD PART: Take all of the dice you can find in your house. Go into your living room, put every die into your hand and throw them as hard as you can so they scatter around the room. Now go find them. The time and tedious effort it will take you to reclaim these dice represents how it feels when the hosts get on a topic that is not relevant to the main podcast. There are only so many times I can listen to Battle Tech stories.

And, voila! You have yourself the perfect, perfectly randomized Fear the Boot episode! Bask in the glory you yourself have crafted! Or just go listen to the dang podcast. I think you'll like it.