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  1. Welcome to Night Vale

    Friday, September 13, 2013

    It's your local NPR station broadcasting from the Bermuda Triangle.
    It's the improv comedy group in a town only found in a Stephen King novel.
    It's the sound of someone grating sentient nutmeg over your mug of hot cocoa.
    Welcome to Night Vale.

    Relevant Links:
    Main Site!
    Tune in here!
    Or tune in here!

    Now that I think about it, I have also never bothered to actually check whether this mic is attached to any recording or broadcasting device and it is possible that I am alone, in an empty universe, speaking to no one, unaware that the world is held aloft merely by my delusions and my smooth, sonorous voice. More on this story as it develops, I say, possibly only to myself.
    Host Cecil Baldwin is here to educate, illuminate, and heavily irradiate the listening audience to the comings and goings of Night Vale. School announcements, community improvements, warnings about the forbidden dog park, and updates on Carlos the Scientists' glorious, perfect hair are all within his purview. As a reporter Cecil seems content to simply observe and hold interviews with beings that either refuse to speak or are unable to communicate within the limits of humanity's comprehension, although he will occasionally be pulled into the strange tides that shape and swell around the desert town of Night Vale. It is my dear hope that Night Vale operates on Loony Tunes logic, wherein reoccurring characters may incur damage, but never truly die. I have a feeling though that even if Cecil were to die it would be something of a variable state and surely there would be some recording instruments within his incorporeal reach.

    Topics vary from the mundane to the "mundane" to the absurd to the outright dangerous coverage of breaking news. Topics include the local sports teams (go Night Vale Scorpions!), what the City Council has been doing and why you must never think about it, to local gossip, and somewhere in between all of that you'll find a town (which probably shouldn't exist) filled with people (that wouldn't live anywhere else) and a dog park (which is forbidden).

    What was I saying? My nose just started bleeding and all I really want to do is throw Night Vale quotes at you. 

    Content Rating: Bizarre. And clean, if that matters at all.

    Can you believe this guy said he used Indian magics? What an asshole.

    Average Episode Length: You will be forced to endure each episode for about 25 minutes.

    Wednesday has been cancelled due to a scheduling error.


    Dear listeners, here is a list of things: emotions you don't understand upon viewing a sunset, lost pets found, lost pets unfound, a secret lost pet city on the moon, trees that see, restaurants that hear, a void that thinks, a face half-seen just before falling asleep, trembling hands reaching for desperately needed items, sandwiches...

    Release Schedule:  Twice monthly.

    We sent our intern, Chad, to try buying a tennis racket and have not hear back from him for several weeks.

    Music:  The weather report for each episode is a song by an independent artist. The songs fit the mood of Night Vale and each particular episode. You are free to fast-forward through the weather report, unless you are not.

    Also, I'm battling Lyme disease.

    Unintentionally Good Part:  The interns and their fates.

    Let's have a look at traffic. Oh! Wow! Well, that looks pretty good. Yup, yes...okay, not too bad there either I see. Oh, that gentleman needs to slow it down! It's not a race my friend, not a literal one anyways. That has been traffic.

    Unintentionally Bad Part: Telly the barber.

    Capricorn: those were not contact lenses you put in this morning. Best not think about this again.

    Unrelated rating: The sound of a mail box being run over, followed by the memory of watching your mother fold towels and set them on top of the dryer.

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